Hoping Mechanisms

You guys! What a time to be alive! A strange, terrifying, sometimes mind numbing time. The job I do most prominently is delivering parts to truck stops and service stations all around CO, WY, NE wherever they need us so I haven’t really been laid off or forced to work from home just yet. This means I haven’t had the chance to finally watch Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones but I know lots of people, my husband especially (real estate is still open as an essential business in CO but not many people are shopping during these gloom and doom times) who are starting to get restless. If you know me, you probably think “hoping mechanisms” is something hokey I would never actually say because I’m kind of a surly asshole sometimes, full disclosure. After hours on the internet, reading articles about nurses with bruised faces from ill-fitting equipment or none even available or about Not My President calling the Governor of Michigan a “young female” he is refusing aid to because he doesn’t like to be criticized, (can’t believe I spelled that correctly on the first shot) …. it’s easy to feel hopeless. My Facebook memories were a plate of gravy fries and my daughter with a lizard hanging from her chin this morning-reminders of the flight to Florida we postponed today and the restaurant I won’t be dining in anytime soon. Sigh…

I was thinking of writing a Do’s and Don’ts list to surviving this apocalypse but really, who am I to label something a Don’t? I’ve been dreaming about smoking cigarettes ever since I quit twenty something years ago and lately the urge to pick the habit back up has seemed like a great coping mechanism, so I won’t label anything a good or bad idea. Just wanted to share some things that are helping me to pass the sleepless nights:

• Be creative. Our couples therapist reached out via email to check in and recommended writing. It is a form of therapy for me which is why I’m sitting here at the computer instead of finishing the last episode of Tiger King or starting season three of Ozark. (other great suggestions) Start a journal, written, video or anyway you can. These are historic times we will be supposedly telling our grandchildren about and I can promise you, my memory is already shit so taking a moment to write your experience down or record it in some way may have the same cleansing, purging feeling I get from writing.

• Find the good. It’s easy with all the news these days to feel super discouraged. I follow Upworthy and Tanksgoodnew on Instagram, among many others so I can read about puppies exploring empty aquariums or entire neighborhoods applauding healthcare workers on their way home from endless shifts because I need these spirit lifters to remember there are good people out there, everywhere.
• Paint you own nails, open your own home salon and practice hair styles on any willing participants. Learn to French braid. Learn an instrument. Write a poem. Cook a new dish. If only I could feel that burning desire to start the deep cleaning I hear is prevalent in households across the nation. Cross stitch! Sew masks!!!!

• Exercise or don’t. It’s a fantastic stress reliever but I realize not everyone has the equipment or desire to maintain your workout routine from home. You don’t need a dog to go on a walk but you do need Vitamin D. My husband has the metabolism of a methhead and the ability to snack endlessly when he’s not chewing copious amounts of Nicorette gum-all reasons you may see me on the next season of Snapped if I don’t get picked for My 600 lb. Life after all this. I, on the other hand, have been fighting off the baby weight from my now twelve year old for what feels like all my life so exercise staves off any self-loathing I might feel after my fourth handful of Whopper Robin Eggs, taking a moment to appreciate the fact that all of these shelter in place orders are coinciding with Easter, the best time of year for candy.
• Perspective. This is a really great one for me. When I start to sink, worrying about all the things I cannot change, I take a moment to make a gratitude list.

1. I’m thankful to be working and in a position to feed my family.
2. I’m thankful my children are home with me.
3. I’m thankful my daughter isn’t a senior, worrying about graduating or college applications.
4. I’m thankful this pandemic isn’t some kind of bed bugs or spider nightmare. Everyone jokes it was zombies we wanted but I’m so thankful that isn’t something we’re fighting right now.
5. I’m thankful for technology- the option to Facetime the faces I miss and a lifetime of content to stream.
6. I’m thankful for teens (NEVER THOUGHT I’D SAY IT) vs. toddlers or solitude to shelter in place with. As annoying as they can be, they really don’t need much and would rather not hang out with us.
7. I’m thankful for laughter and YouTube with every Stefon from SNL video readily available!

Just taking a moment, before the panic sets in to find some perspective has really helped and if every day is Thanksgiving in the way of snacks during this pandemic, I can also find something to feel thankful for every day.

• Re-incorporate the things you love. In my normal life, I see live music all the time. When I’m not listening to murder podcasts (SSDGM!), I’m rotating my favorite songs on different playlists and pumping myself up at the gym with my workout mix. It took me awhile to realize that without the gym or shows, I was missing the music intake I thrive on. Whether it’s lying on the basement carpet with my headphones on blast, listening to The Cure Disintegration start to finish or watching the multitude of live streams from so many of my favorite artists who (unlike Tyler) are actually taking requests!!!!!!! -to blasting a favorite jam for a mid-morning mid-stairway dance break or taking my headphones with me to walk Disco the dog with a new bounce in my step, I can start to feel like myself again, unwilted by bringing back music.

I tend to ramble on so I’ll try to keep this one short. Thanks for reading! Sorry I don’t have answers really but I’m here if anyone needs a shoulder to cry on or has any tips for the Collins fam. Stay healthy, stay sane, and stay the f@ck home whenever possible please!