Facebook Is A Façade

Ugh! I just logged into my little blog and realized it’s been almost two months since I’ve posted. What can I say people? Life! It creeps up on you, kicks the shit out of you sometimes or just steals your time like a thief in the night. You stop to take stock and somehow it’s October (my least favorite month with two Libra birthdays, the inevitable season changing cold plus Halloween to completely drain me) already which is right around the corner from all those exhausting holidays and you wonder, where did  the time go? So, apologies to my forgotten Mamachanic blog left to gather dust in the midst of back-to-school etc. Here’s a new post-short but heartfelt as always.

Maybe I’m just stating the painfully obvious here. Hopefully, this is a well known fact but Facebook is a façade y’all! I’m not even southern by any stretch but I feel like adding y’all to that statement makes even more obvious that it should BE obvious. I am not Supermom, nor do I loooove my job or even my husband (half the time :P). If you tried to read my life like a book based on my Facebook statuses, you’d think it was non-stop concerts, plays and fun-filled family activities. I recently took my son to see Taylor Swift and trust me, it was uh-maz-ing but one of my friends commented on a video of her concert I posted that she was going to keep her daughter off of Facebook as long as possible “as long as you’re out there posting about all the cool things Moms like you do for your kids!” She totally meant it jokingly and complimentary, of course but it made me wonder what kind of jackass people really think I am which brought me to this point. Facebook is a great, big façade! I post as much cool stuff as I can on there but trust me, I lose my shit with my kids almost daily! I constantly joke about the Mother of the Year award I’m never going to receive because I have scarred my kids for life on repeated occasions. And I’m not bragging about my lacking parenting skills, nor do I want anyone to think I’m bragging when I post vacation snaps, or Red Rocks pics or ski videos of my children whom I’m absolutely certain are the best kids in the world because they’re mine and don’t we all feel that way?

I don’t want any of my actual friends or Facebook friends to judge me for my posts and think I’m obnoxious or flaunting. But honestly, I didn’t get to do a lot of seriously cool things as a kid and I love the part about being a parent where you get to raise them however the F you want to because THEY ARE YOURS. If my children have blue and pink hair in their grade school pictures, I think that is a perfect representation of the exact people they are at this point in their lives. One of the things I love most about Facebook is the yearbook I’m creating day by day of these childhoods that are literally flying by. I’m also super thankful that Facebook wasn’t around to document most of the ridiculous, dipshit things I did in my youth.

This guy is always so cooperative for my photos but it adds to his charm somehow.

My Facebook page is absolutely a highlight reel! Just because, flipping through it may read as the hilarious capers of the Collins fam doesn’t mean I didn’t spend the last month sleeping in the basement or that I didn’t poke my son viciously in the hand with his fork because he’s eight and still eats with his hands like an freaking animal. My status updates accentuate the positive and certainly don’t mean that life is a bowl of cherries or that I don’t want to hear about your life or problems or lend an ear like a good friend ought to (but please!!!!!! this fat ass does not need any more butter braids! Thank you!) If you feel like you’re tired of the Collins adventures or can’t stand to read another post about my darling son’s obsession with anything penis-related, feel free to block me. Totally cool with that, as I mentioned in an earlier post, being almost 40, I know who my friends are and completely understand other people have overwhelming lives too.

 Fiction

Non-Fiction

Today is a perfect example of my not at all perfect life. I took my so-smart-she’s-10-going-on-35 (to the point where I often want to wring her neck naturally) daughter to her first mentor session today. She was one of 85 Denver Public School students chosen for this mentorship program which I think is braggadocious and also makes my chest hurt with pride. Skip to this afternoon with a phonecall I received from our principal  about my black sheep son (who is often still my favorite-kidding!) about his behavior on a field trip today or should I say misbehavior. Luckily, he wasn’t the child sent home for pretending to dry hump a wall but he was the one discussing peeing in someone’s Mom’s mouth (thanks a lot Bear Grylls and all your lifesaving tips!) which is not a proper field trip topic so I’m just pointing out what is hopefully clear to most people. Life has a fantastic way of gut-punching me too sometimes so don’t believe the Facebook status update hype-pretty sure we’re all still human here.