We Named Him Jameson
We named him Jameson, so I guess we were always asking for trouble. He loves telling people we named him after the Irish whiskey. ? When I found out during my second pregnancy I was having a boy, I was devastated. Not even exaggerating, I grew up an only child, no brothers or sisters with a single Mom. I had no idea how to raise a little boy. I’m pretty sure I actually cried when my OB/GYN showed me the “hotdog” on my sonogram. Boys?!?!? What are they good for? In almost a decade, as a mother to a son, I’ve learned a few answers to that question:
1-Boys Are Good At Making Messes
- Jameson is awesome at dragging our bathroom towels all throughout the house before hanging them back on the towel rack so next time I dry off I’m basically wiping my face with dust mites and dog hair from the hallway floor
- I can always count on my son to have pockets full of magpie collectibles like sugar packets to find like hidden treasures when I’m emptying the dyer
- The pile of sneaky candy wrappers I found under his mattress or the crusty boogers he wipes on the wall next to his bed.
2-Boys Are Experts At Obsessing Over Anything Gross (Barf, Poop, Nuts, etc.)
- Asking me if I’ve ever tasted bird poop
- Insteresting I Pad screen savers
- When he was little, believing his nuts were actually dragon eggs. The excitement as he prepared for hatchling dragons> The horror, one day with his hands down his pants telling me, “I lost one of my dragon eggs!” Insisting he used to have three!
- After an afternoon riding roller coasters at Elitches, Jamo told me, “Mom, I just threw up in my mouth and it tasted like funnel cake…..It was gross but awesome!”
- Showing me how he can make his privates look like a lizard neck (no photo available thankfully)
- Somehow sharing his Toilet Time I pad game progress on my Facebook page , like I’m the one playing this disgusting game?!
3-Boys Are Good For Embarassing Their Poor Moms
- Loves telling random people,”You can’t have happiness without penis!” Sigh
- Telling me my panties look “too small”
- Telling me my breath smells like poop
- Sitting on his swing, asking some random woman at the playground,”Are you going to push me or what, lady?”
- Telling me my fat and sassy tank top describes me perfectly
- Asking me if I was alive during the Titanic,”What were you? Like one?”
- What other 9-year-old’s birthday wish list includes a hover board, brass knuckles, or a sleepover with Devin? (Devin the girl of course!)
- After asking the dreaded,”What is Viagra?” Pausing a moment for the equally dreaded follow-up question,”What is a boner?!”
4-While remaining somehow precociously charming
- Telling me my voice is so beautiful, I should audition for American Idol
- Saying he doesn’t want Hillary Clinton to win this election because he wants his sister Bella to be the first female President
- Making me breakfast in bed often, no holiday required
- Scamming his babysitters to pay him for his mad hair brushing skills
To be honest, he’s definitely grown on me, like a barnacle or fungus naturally. The terror I felt after my sonogram has slowly changed to a sort of wonder and deep affection of course. This little guy has taught me precisely how boys and girls are totally from different planets, but also I’ve learned how fiercely and bottomlessly I can love someone, fart jokes, unintended insults, amazing photo cooperation skills (NOT!), stinky feet and all. Though his sister could certainly give him a run for his money in the stinky feet department.
Photo Cooperation Skills