40 is…….. (Seeking Silver Lining)
Does anyone else remember these “love is…..” cartoons. Back when the comics page was they only page I read (when people still read newspapers on actual paper) next to Kathy’s dry humor and the antics of Calvin and Hobbes, these Love comics were my favorites. I turned 40 almost three months ago and I’ve been trying to come to terms with such a large number but so far I’ve only come up with this list.
40 is:
- Having a “little” girl that’s almost as tall as me.
- Shazaming that rocking tune I heard at the Magic Mike Live show, thinking it would make a great addition to my workout playlist only to discover it’s a Nickelback song.
- Turning 40 without a shout out from some dear friends, even in this day and age with Facebook birthday reminders and realizing it still stings as much as it would have ten years ago.
- “I’m a pro at imperfections and I’m best friends with my doubt.” The Judge by Twenty One Pilots
- Working out with no results, though I secretly know it’s my lack of diet discipline
- Back fat
- Turkey neck-dry saggy neck skin that’s a great match with my still oily and pimpled 40 year old face.
- Your friend’s tween children showing up in your People You May Know Facebook section
- Getting my first mammogram and not wanting to tell my Mom about the lump they found because I’ve reached an age where I want to protect my Mom instead of vice versa.
- Going to concerts (which I looooooove) and being depressed because
- a) I’m the oldest person there and all the super drugged out kids in the audience are closer in age to my daughter so I spend half the show freaking out that my kids will soon be the ones tripping in half shirts and furry boots
- b) I’m not the oldest person there because I’m seeing a band in their 70’s who can’t quite rock like they used to.
- Or eagerly awaiting summer festival lineups secretly knowing I’m way too old for this three day festival shit. Then Lollapalooza adds insult to injury by making their festival FOUR days this year!!!!!
- Reading young adult post-apocalyptic novels on my second seven year itch.
- Crushing on barely legal celebrities like Zac Efron and Justin Beiber even though, at my age, it’s totally creepy
- Sometimes, wanting to hop in my minivan and drive far away, never looking back
- Realizing that parenthood is a super depressing race to your kids eventually moving out and leaving you. Reminding yourself how finite this childhood is when you’re too tired for “five more minutes please Mama”
- “My name is NO! My sign is NO! My number is NO!” – No by Meghan Trainor
- Teasing my husband that this is his theme song because he constantly, automatically says NO to anything the kids ask. Or further badgering him with Cat’s in the Cradle lyrics when they return the favor by being too busy to hang out with him.
- “And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon,
- Little boy blue and the man on the moon,
- When you comin’ home son
- I don’t know when, but we’ll get together then, Dad
- You know we’ll have a good time then” -Cat’s In The Cradle by Harry Chapin
- When I used to read about celebrity deaths, it would be people like Ronald Reagan, who was pretty old, lived a long life and never really connected with me personally. Nowadays, we’re losing people like David Bowie and Prince, people who shaped my childhood and died far too soon. Not only are beloved celebrities dying, but my actual friends are ending up in the hospital battling serious illnesses. Getting older SUCKS!
- My Labyrinth Knockers Tank
- R.I.P Goblin King
- Your dog dying. (Ok so this hasn’t actually happened to me yet but I feel like being 40 includes losing the first dog you owned as a grown up. Maybe I’m a bit behind on this one but my 15 year old pug Bula is definitely halfway up that stairway to heaven. Especially since she’s so deaf and blind at this age that she doesn’t hear us when anyone comes home so I’m always sure, today is the day, until I shake her awake. It also doesn’t help that my rotten children are less than discreet in their deathwatch, hounding me, “Can we get a “real” dog when Bubu finally dies?” Who is raising these heartless hooligans?! )
- My Sweet grandma pug Bula
- Sometimes disliking my spoiled children and their insatiable ingratitude even though they’re two of my favorite people. Mostly, when they make me feel old, like griping, “Turn down your old people music!”
- Telling my son No when he asks, “Can you do this Mom?” because my creaky old lady hands don’t bend that way anymore.
- Still loving “reality” TV, but watching talent shows like the Voice or American Idol with the perspective of a parent. Instead of relating to the contestants as a young person who also dreams of stardom, I now watch these shows with proud Mama tears in my eyes. These damn kids aren’t even mine but any words of criticism and my Momager claws come out.
- Teaching my kids about all the awesome things I enjoyed in my youth like the Beastie Boys and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off with constant milestone posts on Facebook like these:
- Doing old people math like figuring out my best friend from kindergarten has been my Be Fri for 35 years!!! Or realizing the newer friends that I cherish have actually been my rock for OVER A DECADE! Or finding out the baby one friend was pregnant with that one year at Lollapalooza just turn four!!! Seems like yesterday we were eating midnight Italian dinner after Eminem in Grant Park!
- Being halfway to 80!
- Reaching the age where former friends grow pretentious enough to quote themselves, like they’re somehow full of wisdom.
- Having the wisdom to know that burning that bridge was the right decision, but still not being able to figure out how to graciously unsubscribe from older relatives blatantly racist chain emails.
- Come a Looooooong Way
Ugh! If this were a pros and cons list, cons would be winning by mile, hence the subtitle “Seeking Silver Lining.” I suppose, it’s not that awful being 40. There are definite positives like running out of f#@ks to give, therefore worrying less about unimportant things like fashion, cool quotients, other’s opinions or run-on sentences. To be fair, I know my life is pretty amazing- awesome kids, husband, home, family, friends, health, etc. I just wish having to remind myself of these blessings didn’t also serve to remind myself of how freaking old I’ve gotten. Goddamn senior moments!
