Monthly Archive: February 2015

“I wish that I could be like the cool kids,

‘Cause all the cool kids, they seem to fit in.”

– Cool Kids- Echosmith

         February is a double whammy month for my husband with Valentine’s Day and my birthday happening within two weeks of each other. He always manages to make me feel special. I’ve reached the age where my own birthdays aren’t much of a celebration anymore. Almost halfway to eighty isn’t something I really cheer about so this year I decided to make a list of the positives of turning 39.

1) I’m not a trend victim anymore.

I know better than anyone that no one wants to see my post-pregnancies body sporting  little high waisted shorts. Especially not the super short Daisy Duke style. I also won’t be wearing any silly flower headbands across my forehead. Sure, I fell victim to many fads in my youth including double-rolling my jeans, multiple Swatch watches on my wrist, and extremely crunchy Aquanet eighties bangs  but I’ve matured beyond the age where I feel the burning desire to follow trends. In fact, I know I’d look ridiculous, even desperate trying to. If the trend is something ultra comfortable like Uggs (or yes I even admit Crocs) then I might give it a shot but my days of scraping by trying my best to be cool are over. I’ve traded Wet Seal and Forever 21  for Target. (pronounced to rhyme with ballet, of course) I’ve lost that yearning to fit in or try to please anyone. It’s quite refreshing.

My fashion victim husband wearing my kitty tank.;)

2) Better service

My hubby and I have long considered ourselves “foodies” but the service we receive in many restaurants has finally, dramatically improved. I remember biting into a piece of plastic in my four cheese ravioli once and having the manager explain this was normal because they boil their pasta in plastic bags before serving it. No offer to comp the meal or even a free dessert. When you’re twenty something (or still look it, in my husband’s case) you get a different kind of service because everyone assumes you’re just a young punk with no tipping skills regardless of your homeowner status or credit score. I may not have the angled bob let-me-talk-to-your-manager hairdo that most Cherry Creek cougars sport but I’m not ashamed to expect competency when dining out. If I’m paying $12 for a fruity Mojito, you’d best not take my glass until I’m finished. On the flip side, my husband and I both paid our dues working in the service industry so we know what a thankless,craptastic job it can be.We know how to tip our servers and how to treat them- LIKE HUMAN BEINGS! It’s just nice to be treated like grown ups, where the manager checks on our table because he values us as customers and isn’t secretly suspecting we might be washing dishes later to pay the tab. ( Little side note: To the waitress who cards my fountain of youth husband and not me, bad idea child.)

3) No more guilty pleasures

At thirty nine, I don’t feel like I need to hide my music taste. I’m not ashamed to watch Vampire Diaries. My Valentine’s Day present this year was two tickets to Taylor Swift and while I like ALL kinds of music, I don’t listen to any of it secretly. Gone are the days where I hid my obsession with My Chemical Romance or Ke$ha. I’m not embarrassed to still love George Michael. I don’t have to explain myself to you people. We don’t all have to like the same thing. I won’t hide my Young Adult fiction fascination from Twilight to Hunger Games or my cheesier 50 Shades fandom. Feel free to judge me, but at 39, I refuse to feel “guilty” about my pleasures.

Me, about 13, deep into my Debbie Gibson mania

4) I know who my friends are.

They accept me for my quirks, faults, and bad taste. I spent a lot of years trying to cultivate certain friendships, nursing old relationships back to health like an abandoned garden but frankly, I don’t have much of a green thumb. Some people don’t really need to be in my life. Being in my thirties, married with children, I don’t have a ton of free time so I’d like to spend it with people who matter to me. Facebook is fantastic for updates on all sorts of friends from distant to ancient. I understand there are some people I may see once a year or less so Facebook is great for keeping in touch. I’m not saying those friends aren’t important. I’ve just realized, the older I get, some relationships are toxic or draining or just completely not beneficial and time-sucking and I’m OK not having those types in my life anymore. I know who my true friends are, near and far. I’m much happier with quality over quantity. I don’t miss that acceptance I yearned for in the past.

5) No more FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)

In my twenties, we went out almost every night- to dance, to play pool, to drink. If I missed a night in the Park Tavern, I was almost certain I’d miss something amazing. I’d look forward to  Lipgloss all week, certain if we drove up to Summit county on Friday night for weekend snowboarding, I’d miss the perfect song set or bar fight. These days we mostly go out for concerts or dinners, with weeks going by between “dates.” I don’t mind a bit. I prefer Netflix to any crowded Lodo bar with puke-future twenty-one year olds. We usually celebrate Valentine’s Day on the 16th or 17th. New Year’s Eve has become a new tradition of a delicious price fixe menu at one of our favorite restaurants often followed by an evening of board games. Jeez! When did I get sooooooo old?! To be clear, I’m often thrilled by cancelled plans. Having my first child at twenty-eight gave me plenty of time to sow my wild oats. While it confounds me how all this time has flown by, I’m quite content being almost thirty-nine which brings me to my last benefit…..

6) I’m not 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                                                          yet

“That’s a fine looking high horse.”

Take Me To Church -Hozier

      I’ve been at this parenting game a little over a decade now. Most nights, I sleep all right but there have been several nights I’ve lied awake, mind buzzing with all the mistakes I’ve already made, several instances where I’m sure I’ve scarred my children for life. True, I like to joke about it now and then but I thought writing a list might actually help me to remedy these bad behaviors.

     I realize there are several “failures” I can no longer rectify:

–I didn’t breastfeed “long enough.” I’m not sure who determines the correct time slot but with both babies I had 3-4 months maternity leave before returning to a full time position as an automotive technician at a Volkswagen dealership. There wasn’t a women’s bathroom or locker room in our shop because there weren’t any female mechanics. I had to use the restroom on the dealership showroom floor. I diligently brought my breast pump to work for about a month, dragging it out to the showroom lady’s room various times a day, freezing my milk in the break room fridge until it became too tedious. I began raiding the cupboards in my pediatrician’s exam room for free samples and my breastfeeding days were soon over. Six months tops for both kids, I can hear the disgusted sighs already from the breast milk advocates.

–Second, both my kids used pacifiers. Probably for too long. We weaned my daughter off her “paci” when her brother was born, at about two and a half so at least she wasn’t entering kindergarten with the thing still leashed to her shirt but I can tell you I’d rather pay the orthodontist bills than spend the rest of my life in prison charged with shaking a baby. Those pacifiers were lifesavers LITERALLY! One dentist I spoke to told me Bella’s under bite is something she was born with and not something I caused with our pacifier dependency. I guess you can blame her future years in head gear on genes instead of my poor parenting skills. 🙂

      Not much I can do about bad teeth or lack of nutrient rich breast milk these days but are a few things I can change about the way I parent.

1) I yell– kind of often. I know it’s a crappy thing to do but after saying, ” jackets and backpacks” a thousand times sometimes shouting gets results. I can hear my voice in my daughter’s snotty comments to her brother on occasion and I’d much rather she mimic my better actions.

2) My kids love junk food. I’m not saying I feed it to them exclusively but if my son could survive on chicken nuggets alone, he’d be ecstatic. Ecstatic and FAT! My kids love fruit too so we’re doing something right there. They eat processed foods, bad sugars, etc. They have dessert every night. I’m pretty sure their toothpaste is even bubblegum flavored but they’re both fit and healthy. I don’t want to raise my kids without treats. If  Jamo occasionally has Cool Ranch Doritos for breakfast, he’ll survive. I don’t want to give them any food or body issues by eighty sixing all the delicious, bad-for-you so we practice moderation.

3) My kids are addicted to video games. They watch television daily and they’re obsessed with Minecraft. They’re also both on basketball teams, ski regularly, and my daughter is usually reading at least three books at once. I know some parents don’t allow children to play on the I-pads or I-phones. Some families don’t even own a TV! (the horror!) I’m not one of these parents. Again, we use moderation when it comes to technology. Honestly, it’s a great threat to have if they’re misbehaving to ground them from video games. When they were younger, we used educational apps that taught basic math and alphabet skills. Every Friday  we have family movie night. Sure, we’re all sitting in front of the boob tube together but we’re TOGETHER. I love introducing them to my favorites like Princess Bride or Fifth Element. It’s 2015! I know some parents frown on television or video games for their children but Minecraft is a fantastic imagination tool. I know my kids are learning technology skills I’ll be able to utilize when I’m old and need their help figuring out the latest new-fangled invention.

4) We’ve raised our children pretty religion-free so far. I don’t really believe in most religions. I think it would be awesome to believe someone has this great plan for me and is always watching out for us but I don’t have that crutch. Too many bad things happen all over the world every day for me to believe someone has a reason for all this. Too many religions hide their hatred, judgment, and racism behind their beliefs. Whenever I’m feeling super stressed or overwhelmed, I like to read Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series to gain perspective. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. My children have picked up on all kinds of random religious ideas from their friends but I want them to figure out what they want to believe in for themselves.The only thing I got out of church when I was young was the feeling of being unworthy. I don’t want that for my brood so I’m teaching them right and wrong and leaving fear and God out of it.

5) I’m pretty bad at following through. If I ground Jameson from videogames for a week for being disruptive in school, I usually make it about five days before I cave. Every night, our bedtime ritual includes story time with Dad and snuggle time with Mom. Snuggle time is my daily one-on-one time with each child. Some teacher in Jameson’s elementary career implemented a “highs and lows” sharing time in her classroom where they would go around the circle, each child naming the high and low part of the day. I’ve stolen this technique and use it during snuggle time as a way to catch up with each child every night. Truth is, most days my “high” IS snuggle time, getting to hug  my kiddos tight and marvel at the funny little people they’re growing into.  Some days, if they’re bickering or misbehaving the punishment will be “half a snuggle” or no snuggle.  My son always asks if he can earn his snuggle back before bedtime and I usually let him because snuggle time is my favorite time but I know following through on my snuggle-free bedtime will teach them to make better choices next time. Follow through is tough but so is being a grown up and a parent so I resolve to work on all of these shortcomings.

      I realize our own parents had their own blunders, roller skating and chain smoking during pregnancy. 🙂 I know a few kids who “drove” on Dad’s lap or rode facing backwards in the trunk of their parent’s station wagon. I try to improve on the last generation’s parenting, by making sure my children have helmets, lifejackets or whatever protective gear necessary for their extra curricular activities.  My children received all their vaccinations. I still let them drink from drinking fountains. I strive to make good parenting decisions but I refuse to bubble wrap them through life.

       I remember before I had children of my own, secretly judging the parenting skills any time I saw a child with a raspy cough, booger covered face, or finger up their nose. Now I fall into the “glass houses” category. Children get colds, Moms can’t wipe faces 24/7 and as much as I complain, I can’t keep my son from eating boogers. I even tell him he’ll get a new freckle for every booger he eats, but he isn’t deterred.  It’s very easy to judge a person’s Mom aptitude when you don’t have your own children. The Mom to Mom comparisons have also gotten out of hand. This is not a competition, there are no medals. To the lady in the Target checkout, with your rolling eyes and loud, exasperated sighs, when my kids are crowding you or bickering in line, I know I’m not the best parent.  I’m working on it so save your sighs. I am my own worst critic so trust me I’m aware of all these mistakes. The dream for this insomniac is to feel confident in my parenting decisions without the worry that comes with raising people. To my fellow Moms, who judge the way I’m raising my brood with sugar, screaming and Silent Hill (just kidding!) without scripture or Satan, regardless of our beliefs, we are all parents, doing our best.

      “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can and hold our breath,

and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”

-Michelle Pfeiffer